tabulas.com

 Where do I even start?

I guess you can just call me confused.

I feel like I'm drifiting away from God. In the past, when I started attending this Born-Again church called Gravity, I felt myself becoming closer to God again. I don't understand why. It really pains me to think that I had this special relationship before. I think school's taking too much of my time. I really need to have quiet time so I can reflect on my life.

Relationships broken. I broke up with my boyfriend for two years. It was a long distance relationship for a year, mind you. Though he will probably insist that I cheated on him, I feel I was fair to him. When I started to really like this guy and I couldn't control my emotions anymore, I didn't want to be in a possible situation where I cheated on him. I ended it with him. Though he may hate me now, I know that I've said my peace. I've apologized. It may take him 10 years to talk to me again, but I guess it's the consequence of my actions. I feel I did the right thing, no matter what other people say. I'm sorry. That's redundantly my very very very very very very last apology.

Academics seem to be taking up most of my time. I'm currently an undergraduate taking up Industrial Engineering right now in an excellent university in the Philippines. Though I felt my grades were quite mediocre, I made it to the Dean's List during 1st term. Wow. The high you get is incredible. Now, I'm working my ass off so that could happen again. (Well, when I'm not updating my blog of course. :)) But yes, I'm really hoping for the best.

You know, it's quite funny how many teachers hate me in Engineering, when I feel that I didn't do anything. My teacher last term planned to fail me because I excused myself for a supposed photoshoot on the quiz day. Happily, I didn't fail. But still, I couldn't believe that she told a co-teacher about me. Teachers are chismosa rin pala. Now that it's the second term, I'm feeling it with one of my teachers in the math subjects. Horrible. Boy, do I need a lot of luck, given that I have a long quiz tomorrow in that exam. Yikes.

Right now, I can't really think of anything more to say. The emptiness speaks for itself. But I do promise you one thing, I will get back on track. No one's gonna stop me from what I dream to be. Not even you.

passion_fruit

I almost fell back last Sunday. No. You don't love me anymore. Just like that huh? Snap snap. If that is the case, then you never deserved this love that I gave. You've moved on so quickly. And I know you talked to him.  "We're cool as long as it stays that way." I see.. So you tell me that we have nothing to do with each other anymore, but you're still trying to interfere with my life? What's that, you? Are you trying to ruin my life just because of what happened? I know I can't just judge you because you said that, but that's what I assume from those words. You're trying to drain my happiness because you've found a girl. You know, I thought we could be friends.. but forget it. No more.

 School again. I'm so proud of myself for once.. I got high in my ENGCAL1 and ANSOGEO tests. Thank you. You know what? I think it's better this way that I'm single. No more late night calls and no more waking up early either.

 I'm making new friends. :) Hooray. I just love meeting people. They make me feel happy. They make me realize that a long distance relationship would never be worth it.

You know, I miss highschool. I miss our memories together.. Sleeping in prom, Rep and Timezone games. But now I've realized that I'm growing up.. Good bye, highschool. Hello, college. That part of my life is finally closing. It's depressing and sad, but hey, I'm strong, single and free. :)

I think I'll go back to Gravity next term... Time to quit all my vices and come out triumphant.

Go me. :P

Everything's finally going back to normal. After all that has  happened, I'm just enjoying the simple things in life. It's great, actually. I can truly smile and say that I'm contented and happy. Thank you, Lord. You're the best..

 I have a calculus test tomorrow on derivatives. Oh boy! I'm going to study as soon as I finish posting this entry.

Well, Carl treated Francis and I to Yellow Cab. Yummy pepperoni and mushrooms... *slurp* :P Well, it was a great treat given all the stress we're feeling. Everyone should binge once in a while. ;)

I am so loving cerealicious.. I've gone to cerealicious so many times this week. I think I've been going to cerealicious everyday since last week. Grabe noh? I'm just so loving it. :)

You know? It's great being friends with you. I mean, thank God that awkwardness is done and finished with. I can actually go and join your table without any feeling of awkwardness. Wee... :) I hate Jaba, Macky and Jo for beating and hitting me in Pusoy Dos. They hurt me! ;(

But seriously, socializing has never been so free and fun. It's great! :) Ico's helping me socialize. :P Hahaha. He said that I used to be so anti-social when I was tied up.. Now I can socialize, guilt-free! :D

passion_fruit

I hate this feeling. It's so frikkin' hard to accept some things that just happen in life.

Argh. I'm such a itch-bee. I'm sorry. :(

Thank God I'm almost over him. Guess he wasn't worth it either. God, to think I was bawling over him last Sunday. Okay, so he's scared to commit. Okay. Can't do anything about that. Not even cry. It's just hard to accept it, I guess. And maybe with the whole best friend dilemma, nothing's going to ever be the same. Good bye, 'best friend'... who doesn't even talk to me anymore. Now I'm wondering if we were even 'best friends' or even more commonly, friends. *Sigh* Moving on.. But you know what? I do wish he'd talk to me normally again. I mean, without the awkwardness. I wish he'd just text me what's up or ask me to sit in his classes, chat with me, call me up like before. I mean, I know he's over it anyway. Besides, I know that I can't really do much about that anymore.

I miss those old times. If I only knew that this would fuckin' happen, I wouldn't have revealed my feelings in the first place. I would've just kept that friendship. I wouldn't have ruined it like I did. Never am I going to trust another guy again. NEVER. Guys just complicate life.

I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. Jam, keep telling yourself that, bitch. Maybe it'll come true.

Men are such martians. :